Wedding-Planning Etiquette
<b>Q</b>: How long should our engagement be?
<b>A</b>: There is no "right" engagement length. Some people get married in three months, some in three years. The longer you have before your wedding date, the better chance you'll get the best vendors. Start nailing down your date, sites, and most importantly vendors ASAP. Another great reason for a long engagement is to save up wedding funds. If your wedding is years off, keep in mind that some places may not take reservations until two years in advance. If its mere months until your desired date, don't hesitate to call around and see what and who are available; last-minute cancellations do happen.
<b>Q</b>: Who is expected to pay for what these days?
<b>A</b>: Nowadays the couple and both sets of parents contribute to the wedding coffer. (The couple footing the entire bill themselves is also common.) Assess your own savings. Powwow with both sets of parents (separately) to find out how much they can contribute. It is then up to you, the couple, to take charge and decide how to divvy up all the expenses and responsibilities. Never assume contributions are coming unless you've talked about it. Never demand that people cover particular expenses. Keep in mind that every family has different views on all this, and it particularly differs from culture to culture. In American weddings, this is how it has traditionally been broken down: The bride and her family pay for the ceremony site and accessories; reception site and all professional party services; floral arrangements for ceremony and reception, plus bouquets for bridesmaids and flower girls; invitations, announcements, and other stationery; bride's dress, veil, and accessories; photography and videography; and transportation of wedding party to ceremony and reception sites. The groom and his family cover the wedding rings; rehearsal dinner; groom's wedding clothes; bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, and corsages; marriage license and officiant's fee; and honeymoon.
<b>Q</b>: lf our parents pay do they get to decide everything?
<b>A</b>: Be clear from the very beginning about who has a say in your wedding decisions and who will have the final word. If your parents are paying, you can expect they will have extra interest, just as you would if it were your money. The best way to keep control issues clear is to designate particular areas of power to each person: "Mom, you are paying for [read: dictating] the flowers." "Dad, your contribution will go toward the wine." Give up control in areas you care less about, and keep control over (which will most likely involve paying for) those areas that mean the world to you. If your parents are the type to give you free rein, be thankful.
<b>Q</b>: We are on a very tight budget. Is it okay to ask for contributions from our guests?
<b>A</b>: Never consider charging your wedding guests admission (asking for money of any kind). If you need contributions, take them in kind: Have a casual picnic wedding and make it a potluck, asking each person to bring his or her favorite dish. Ask to borrow a family friend's fancy car in lieu of a wedding gift. People love to help out, but they'll be offended if your invitation has a price tag.
<b>Q</b>: Who throws the engagement party? Is it okay to invite people who won't be invited to the wedding?
<b>A</b>: It's the bride's family's prerogative to throw the first engagement party; after they have done so (or determined not to), the groom's family gets a turn. Some couples plan their own laid-back bash with friends and close relatives at a favorite bar or restaurant. Gifts are optional, but because many guests do choose to give them, you'll want to register beforehand. Do your best not to invite people who won't be wedding guests.
Courtesy of <a class='navitem2' href='http://theknot.com'>The Knot </a> via <a class='navitem2' href='http://scrippsmedia.com'>Scripps Media</a>
