Family Issues
<b>Q</b>: What are our stepparents' wedding roles?
<b>A</b>: That's basically up to you and your families; it all depends on how comfortable everyone is about their participation. You may want to present stepparents with corsages or boutonnieres to mark their place in your families. lf you're especially close to your step mom, for example, you might ask her to do a reading during the ceremony or even take her place next to your dad in the receiving line. If there's a stepparent you or your fiancé(e) is not as close to, don't feel you have to go overboard if the feelings just aren't there; chances are the stepparent would feel just as awkward about having too big a role in your wedding as you would. Just be sure that no one is left feeling like an outsider. Talk to each parent separately about what he or she is comfortable with.
<b>Q</b>: How do we deal with ceremony and reception seating with divorced parents? What about the receiving line?
<b>A</b>: Traditionally, the parent who raised you sits in the front pew at the ceremony, and the other parent sits in the third pew (both with spouse, if remarried). The second pew serves as "breathing space" and also as seating for siblings and grandparents. lf your parents don't like this arrangement and/or are on good terms, it's fine for everyone to sit in the front pew together, or in the first and second pews. At the reception, each parent, along with his or her spouse, should host a separate table of honored guests. lf you want both parents to stand in the receiving line, you must also decide whether to include stepparents. Keep your divorced parents separate-that is, don't put your mom next to your dad, lest people think they're still married. For example, if the bride's parents are divorced, her mom (and hubby) should stand in line in front of the bride and groom, then the groom's parents, and then the bride's dad (and step mom, if applicable). A less logistically complicated solution is letting dads and step dads circulate among the guests while the moms and you do the receiving line. The bottom line: Whatever is the most comfortable and the least confusing for everyone is the thing to do.
<b>Q</b>: My mother passed away last year. Any ideas for honoring her at the wedding?
<b>A</b>: There are plenty of wonderful and appropriate ways to honor a parent who's passed away. The one thing you don't want to do is mention her on the invitation; the parents listed there are the hosts of the wedding. Here are some other options.
Include a written tribute to Mom in your program.
Include a moment of silence in the ceremony or light a candle.
Have someone read her favorite passage from scripture or sing her favorite song.
Place a flower from your bouquet on the empty seat next to your dad.
Carry or wear something of hers.
Talk about and toast her at the reception.
Visit her grave post ceremony and leave your bouquet.
<b>Q</b>: I was raised by my stepfather, but I have recently become close to my biological dad. Who should walk me down the aisle?
<b>A</b>: There are multiple solutions for this dilemma, which is becoming more and more common. Consider walking with both of them-walk in with your dad, and then meet your stepfather halfway and walk up to the altar with him, since he raised you. Another option: Choose one to walk you down the aisle and ask the other to take an honored role in the ceremony by doing a reading or holding the huppah, for example. Or ask your mom to be your aisle escort, or even do the aisle walk yourself, and dance with both dads at the reception. Be sure to talk it over with each of them before you come to a decision.
Courtesy of <a class='navitem2' href='http://theknot.com'>The Knot </a> via <a class='navitem2' href='http://scrippsmedia.com'>Scripps Media</a>
