Ceremony Etiquette
<b>Q</b>: We are of different faiths. What do we do about an officiant?
<b>A</b>: An interfaith ceremony may take a bit more planning, creativity, and communication than if the two of you were the same religion. Be forewarned: One of you may be asked to convert or be baptized, so get the details as soon as possible. The best way to blend the traditions of your faiths is to choose co officiants. Officiants of most Christian denominations are supportive of interfaith marriage (although it may be difficult to find a willing Catholic priest), and more and more Reform rabbis are willing to co-officiate as well (Orthodox or Conservative rabbis may decline) lf you can't find two officiants, look for one who's open to including traditions from both religions in the ceremony. Another option is to have a secular ceremony now, then renew your vows in your church and/or your fiancé(e)'s temple later.
Mb>Q</b>: Is it possible to bring our own officiant into a church we choose?
<b>A</b>: lf you wish to marry in a specific church, it's proper to ask the minister or pastor there to officiate at your wedding ceremony. If you want someone else to officiate, discuss this with the minister; traditionally it is he or she who should invite the other officiant. This is etiquette, but it's also common sense; you can't tell the pastor of a church that you are bringing someone else in. You can only ask if it's a possibility; and find out the best way to go about it. lf you're set on the other officiant, your best bet may be to work with him or her to settle on another site.
<b>Q</b>: How can we include our children from previous marriages in our ceremony?
<b>A</b>: Depending on how old they are, your kids could be included in the wedding party as attendants, junior attendants, or flower girls and ring bearers. Or they might like to do a reading during the ceremony. Children can escort the bride (their mother) down the aisle, symbolically giving her their blessing. No matter how you decide to involve them, consider a special family vow exchange, prayer, or reading directly after you exchange marriage vows, in which you each promise to love and care for your spouse's children, reinforcing your new family ties. Some couples also present their kids with gifts-jewelry for girls, watches for boys, for instance-to commemorate the day and their important role in it. Ask your kids what they'd like to do, and don't insist they participate if they're uncomfortable about it.
<b>Q</b>: How does the unity candle ritual work?
</b>A</b>: Many couples include in the ceremony a ritual symbolic of the joining of their lives. The unity candle is usually a large column with two thinner tapers on either side of it; the thinner candles are lit either before the ceremony begins or by your mothers before the ritual is to take place. After your vows, you each take one of the smaller, lit candles (which represent two families and/or your individual lives) and light the middle candle together. Variations: You can use two cups of wine, poured by representative from each family and then the two of you pour wine from each into a third cup and then drink from it. There's also the "vessel and rose," a relatively new tradition in which the groom presents the bride with a rose and she gives him a vase to hold it. There's also a Native American tradition that blends different-colored sands to represent unity. Feel free to get creative and make up your own ritual.
Courtesy of <a class='navitem2' href='http://theknot.com'>The Knot </a> via <a class='navitem2' href='http://scrippsmedia.com'>Scripps Media</a>
